At 50, a lot of men find themselves single for the first time in decades. Some are recently divorced, some widowed, some long-term bachelors who’ve decided they’d like company after all. The good news is that the qualities that make someone a good partner at this age (steadiness, kindness, a sense of humor about life) are ones you’ve had years to develop.
Here are eight points that come up again and again for men dating at 50.
1. Check honestly that you are ready
If you’ve recently come out of a marriage, the urge to fill the gap quickly can be strong. Give yourself an honest check. Can you talk about your former partner without anger or grief taking over the conversation? Have you rebuilt some routine, friendships and interests of your own? If not, a few more months may make dating feel much better for you and the women you meet.
2. Know that you’re not too old, and neither are the women your age
Pew Research Center found that men who weren’t dating were about twice as likely as women to say a major reason was feeling that no one would be interested in them (26% vs. 12%). That worry is common and mostly unfounded.
The flip side: set your age range to include women your own age and a few years older. They’re more likely to share your stage of life, and you’ll have far more in common than with someone fifteen years younger.
3. Pick the right places to meet
Pew’s 2022 survey found online daters 50 and older were about five times more likely to have used Match than Tinder. In other words, the apps your younger colleagues talk about may not be where women your age are. Apps built for over-50s are another option; the comparison of dating apps for over 50 covers both kinds with dated prices.
Offline, look for repeated contact with the same people: a class, a running or cycling club, volunteer work, a choir, a faith community. Friendships that turn into something more are common at this age.
4. Look after the basics
A few unglamorous things matter more than you’d think:
- Photos. Recent, clear, smiling, in good light. At least one full-length.
- Clothes. Something that fits you now and that you’d wear to a nice restaurant.
- Health. Women in their 50s aren’t looking for an athlete. They are noticing whether you take reasonable care of yourself.
- Your home. If things go well, she’ll see it eventually. Make it somewhere you’re comfortable having a guest.
5. Talk about your children, and theirs
Many men at 50 have children in high school, college or starting families of their own. Mention them naturally. Expect her to have family commitments too, possibly including grandchildren or aging parents.
Adult children can have strong feelings about a parent dating, especially after a death or a hard divorce. You don’t need their permission, but you’ll make life easier by telling them before they hear it elsewhere and by introducing a partner once things are settled. The guide to dating with kids covers introductions in more depth.
6. Be clear about the future you want
At 50, future plans are part of compatibility. Are you planning to retire soon, move, travel, stay near your children? Would you like to live together one day, or would you rather keep your own place? Many couples who meet at this age choose to live apart and spend much of their time together. Say what you want, and listen to what she wants. Neither of you should have to guess.
7. Handle money with grace
Offer to pay for early dates, and accept gracefully if she wants to split. Over time, as things get serious, you’ll want to talk about how each of you thinks about money, especially if either of you has a pension, a house or obligations from a previous marriage.
And keep your guard up online. Romance scammers often target men too, using attractive photos, quick intimacy and, eventually, a request for money or an “investment.” If anyone you haven’t met asks for money, gift cards or cryptocurrency, stop. The FTC’s guide to romance scams describes the common patterns.
8. Show up as a good companion
Dates at this age are less about impressing and more about seeing whether you’d enjoy each other’s company. Plan something easy. Ask questions and listen. Talk about what you enjoy now rather than past glories. Follow up when you say you will. A man who’s reliable, curious and kind stands out more than you might expect.
If it doesn’t go well, that’s information, not a verdict. Most people need a few tries to find someone who fits. Keep your own life full in the meantime, and the dating will feel like an addition to it rather than the whole point. For the decade ahead, see dating over 60 for men.